It's November now and that means only one thing, sheeple - WLOSers serving up heaping helpings of sweeps stories like there's no tomorrow. Notice the new urgency in each and every news story. Notice the fear-inducing special investigations they'll cook up. It's going to be a wild one. We can just feel it.

So let's see what was on the teevee box Monday:

School teacher to student - rub my shoulders
Pat Simon told us that a parent had accused a Sandhill-Venable Elementary School teacher of inappropriate behavior in a convoluted story that looked to really piss off Cliff Dodson, the school superintendent.

Parent Jennifer Meisenzahl said her boy angel got in trouble and was rightly punished by being forced to sit at a desk away from other students for a bit. Then, somehow, the third-grader noticed that the teacher was finished reading to class and shrugged her shoulders, a move students know means she would like a little neck rub. The boy caught the non-verbal cue and delivered, then apparently told mama, who said this was third grade, not a frackin' massage therapy class.

Dodson, the disgust for Simon curling his lip, said this was the first he heard of it and frankly, he's shocked that somebody would question the integrity of the 16-year veteran teacher with a spotless record. If parents can't handle this, they need to get a life, he said (sorta.) There was nothing inappropriate, Dodson said.

Properly whipped, Simon reported back in studio that the kid had been transferred to another class.

Toddler injured in cemetery
WLOSers clearly thought they had a big story here, then sorta backed off. Charu Khumaria, breathlessly reporting live from Mission Hospitals, said a 3-year-old playing around in a private family cemetery in Barnardsville had a tombstone fall on top of him. The boy was airlifted to the hospital, and WLOSers were there to catch video of the gurney being rolled in, though they didn't show the kid.

In other crime news...
Jeremy Butterfield said four people were arrested and charged with running a meth lab in Polk County.

Tasered to death?
Sheraldo went down to Hendersonville to tell us that a 44-year-old suspect being booked into the Henderson County jail died over the weekend. He had been Tasered, Sheraldo said, and the family was upset about the use of force.

Sheraldo said the suspect was arrested and charged with being intoxicated and disorderly and resisting police. Sheraldo interviewed a family member, who said the dude had a history of alcoholism and drug abuse, but they didn't understand why they didn't just toss him in the drunk tank.

The family member said the dude was Tasered three times in the sally port just outside the jail but behind closed doors. They want answers. Sheriff Rick Davis said police gotta do what police gotta do, and let's wait until we see medical reports before jumping to conclusions.

In other news...
The Polk County county manager wants a hiring and spending freeze for the sheriff's department there, saying the dept. is $60,000 over budget for gas and vehicle maintenance. The sheriff says he has a plan. Speaking of the Polk sheriff - whatever happened to him being charged with rape?

Election 2008
In a bizzare move, WLOSers kicked off a series of reports about the elections of 2008 on the eve of local town elections here in 2007. Why now? It makes no sense, except that they want to look like they're providing a good public service during sweeps.

So WLOSers said that each Monday for the next month, they'll pofile a candidate for governor. Russ Bowen had a decent story on where Bob Orr, a Yancey County Republican, stands on issues. He grew up in Hendersonville and practiced law in Ashvegas, then got a state judgeship and went on to serve on the state Court of Appeals and state Supreme Court.

He has concerns about education funding; he doesn't like tax incentives for big business; he thinks government should be more open; and he thinks the lottery funding system shorts us in the western end of the state.

Police investigate reported abduction
WLOSers said a teen reported that he was abducted by two men in Cherokee. The result was an Amber alert Sunday afternoon, but the boy turned up later. Something smells fishy here.

Terrie Foster said the boy said he was beat up near a local basketball court, then held in a shed somewhere. He sent text messages and made phone calls from his cell phone. Then he showed up at a convenience story on Hwy. 441, where a clerk recognized the kid and called the cops. Weird.

Hillcrest, the newest gated community
Kassandra Pride, desperate for an angle on a follow-up regarding a fire at Hillcrest over the weekend that didn't hurt anyone but displaced six families, latched on to Hillcrest residents' disconent over a new gate at the public housing complex.

The gate is supposed to keep drug dealers out, Kassandra said, but residents complained that it might slow down fire trucks arriving at future fires. The housing authority said the gate is siren-activated and will be fine. The firemen said they can bust through the gate if they need to. Ho-hum.

In other news...
Kids are getting fatter in the mountains... The drought means a great pecan harvest in Georgia, and Darcel and Tammy love their pecan cheese balls and roasted pecans... A local Red Cross volunteer is back from the California fires... And a dude was arrested and charged with homicide in that Forest City case where somebody found a body in the burned shell of an SUV. Turns out whoever was in the vehicle had been shot several times.